Lehman Brothers captalism versus other isms...

From a friend in Bombay, via email:

Socialism: You have two cows. State nationalises one and gives it to your neighbour.

Communism: State takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism: State takes both and sells you some milk.

Capitalism: You sell one of your cows and buy a bull; herd multiplies, economy grows. Sell them, and retire on income.

Lehman Brothers Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at Bear Stearns, execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with tax exemption for five. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights of all seven cows to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option for one more. You sell one cow to buy the President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the Press release. The public then buys your bull.